Heros Knowledge

It's not surprising this has begun out of a need rather than a want, most of my inclination has come from a begrudging pattern of what must come next rather that what’s best. Suspicious rather than purely reactionary. I’m in a funny place, unsure of my feelings. One of my longtime mentors and someone that I viewed, still view as a father figure has yielded to dementia. This wonderful man left such an imprint on how I ride, how I teach and more exceptionally how I treat horses. Amid the shock and sadness, also worrying me is the idea that leaving with him is an immense legacy of knowledge and understanding possibly more than we could every comprehend.  

It feels like grief, having lost one of my heroes, the pressing thought is did anyone catalogue his endless experience or has it disappeared. He never had an apprentice or assistant in the traditional sense so what he knew we will never know apart from what he passed on through training. While these lessons were often intense and detailed they were always kind and he reminded me so often “Don’t get stuck in beauty” He cautioned regularly there’s a difference between a difficult horse and a bad horse and not to confuse one for another. 

My reason for dressage was to find a better way to be with a horse. Hans helped me find this in the middle of all the noise of young ambition, career and ego. He taught me to be brave in moments where the industry gets the better of you when your vulnerabilities take over in training. He became a sound voice in my head to drown out the nagging ones. With his help I found at least the ability to explore the ground beneath the sport and try find the true meaning for the horse, indulging the yearning for an art form and a way of being. Whatever the feelings that have come up for me in this I’m both aware and reassured my meanderings mean everything and nothing, all at the same time. The world will keep on turning, time will spill out with him here and without him but I’m eternally grateful that I got to share life with him for moment. The news has renewed my spirt that knowledge must be grasped fully with both hands and appreciated no matter how good or hard to receive.