Theres always time for coffee but sometimes it's needed for those restorative properties that normal folk tell me they get from good nutrition and being nice humans. An antidote to brain fog from too much information and too much trying, trying too hard I suppose. I can't say that's a new trait but it's certainly revealed a potential to want again. If you don't want there's no risk of disappointment?. I heard someone say recently, (I can't reminder who until after I've imbibed my caffeine) "second place is very comfortable". I see this in riders often, the don't mind me approach, I'm just having fun. I see it more often in myself, skirting around the edges of happiness. That age old Irish mindset, "sure what would you want to do that for"?
New horses and new dynamics give me the opportunity to check beliefs, albeit a poke in the ribs, unwanted but perhaps needed. With my horses over time, a sense of, being able to say I was almost good can feel more comfortable. But then is that true? Have I been content erring on the side of too busy helping clients, too busy volunteering, or was I side stepping what I really wanted. My last horse gave me moments of greatness in training that I didn't recognize as part of me, part of something that was allowed. Admittedly I wasn't always brave enough to grab that feeling and run with it. Maybe it wasn't the time, maybe it wasn't meant to be the lesson I learned but as I mentioned in an earlier blog It does sit in the back of my mind, not a regret but a lurking uneasiness.
New horse, old feelings. However much I'm accused of overthinking I'd rather consider it, consider it deeply and at least be able to acknowledge that uneasiness and not let it steer each new horses training. The displeasure you see flicker over a riders eyes when they receive a score or face a difficult moment, all too encouraged by old rhetoric of it's a difficult horse, or he just doesn't have the talent. Often you're training riders to rehab their horses because an expectation of a want hasn't been thought out enough to make it achievable or accept a new path is needed. Maybe it's time to consider new wants, small and big!
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