As Good as it Gets?

How many brain synapses does one person need? I've always joked for every new thought in something flys the coop. I know that's not how it actually works but there definitely times when it feels like there just no more space. 

I can't always explain this endless search for more information. Possibly some sort of acceptable self torture, some good old fashioned hang over of an Irish catholic upbringing, struggle before truth? I can whole heartedly say I do find comfort and reassurance in the looking. Maybe happiness might be the search. Even if it's a huge pile of books beside the bed threatening to collapse and smother me, I feel better knowing it's there even if I haven't yet cracked their spines and gotten to grips with their innards. 

In every moment of brow scrunching or frustration I flicker to that toppling pile and know somewhere in there is help. Some passionate person has allowed their over thinking to ink up a page for whenever I need it. Don't get me wrong, I can temper it. I know I can't learn everything and learn it all now. I can filter out when energy and will dictate. When coffee levels are low and brain power eludes me in the arena I can find a chapter, an article. When coffee levels are high and the brain spirals unchecked there a podcast , a tutorial, another verse to steer me back on track. I don't need to know it all, just know its' there when I need it. 

That's most encouraging for me, knowing there's more, I don't have to accept that this is it, as good as it gets. Limits can be acknowledged, then tested and stretched. I never have to worry about being perfect in the arena, I might never get good but I can make it easier to be worse.